The Loves of My Life

I never knew I could love so much.  So deeply.  But I have fallen in love several times.  Once upon a time, I fell in love with my husband. He quickly became my drug.  I need more than a daily dose of him.  And I am still addicted to him.

I fell in love again on September 17th, 2012 when I gave birth to my perfect little angel Nora Grace. I never knew a love like that of a Mother.  But it is ever encompassing.  She is the most precious treasure that's ever come into my reach. I could literally never put into words the feelings I have for her and the depth of my love for her.  She has become my life.  I can NOT imagine my life without her.

I constantly fall in love all over again with Stefan.  He continues to impress me and perfectly define the word "Husband".  He treats me so perfectly and I could never get enough of him.  He puts my needs above his and always respects me. I am convinced that he is the only person in this world that could handle me and my emotions (and Pepsi addiction).  But he does.  And he does it so well.  I am so in love with the way he communicates so calmly and effectively.  He never yells, jumps to conclusions, accuses, judges, or even speaks harshly.  He's patient.  Oh so patient.  He honors his priesthood and practices it in our home.  If I could wish one thing for my daughter(s), it would be that they marry someone exactly like their Daddy.  Therein will they find happiness and a perfect companion.  I thank the Lord everyday for helping us to find one-another.  I don't know where I would be without Stefan, but I know that I could never find a more perfect husband.    

I fall in love every time I look at my little family and the way we fit together like puzzle pieces.  We are the 3 musketeers and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Sorry to All

I apologize to anybody who was offended by my last post.  I guess my disclaimers weren't enough of a warning.  I felt desperate to get advice and relate to others who may be/ have been in similar situations with a little sense of humor.  I suppose I got too personal - it's easy to do after having a baby.  My apologies.

4 Month Old Schedule

Not that anybody cares, but this is basically my journal so I need to do my documenting.
Nora is 4 months now and I love every minute I spend with her.  She is so energetic, smart, smiley, advanced, adaptive, forgiving, sweet, cute and lovable! What a doll she has turned into and what a strong personality she harbors! I adore her and I couldn't be more happy with my life as a mother.  I love my little family!

I feel like we are finally into the swing of things.  I've said it before, I know, but now it's more true than ever.  We are on great schedules and enjoying more time with Nora because of her ability to self-soothe.  Since my last post we have implemented the Ferber Method.  I had a legitimate moral dilemma with the so-called "Cry-It-Out" method.  I hate not being there immediately to calm her fears and quiet her tears.  But I know that there are things she needs to learn as a baby that will carry into her toddler years and make life more enjoyable .. especially when a little brother or sister come along.  We started on Friday night with teaching her to self-soothe.  Stefan and I talked it out thoroughly before we did anything.  We decided on a strict bedtime routine so that Nora will become comfortable with bedtime.  We talked about the pros and cons of teaching her to self-soothe and we decided it was something we wanted to teach her even though it may be painful and rough.  We love her so much and we really needed her to be able to calm herself down.  It was becoming quite a routine every time she needed to go down for a nap or bedtime.  We decided that we would comfort her after 2 minutes, then 4, then 6 and so on and so forth.  The first night was hard - I was in tears and doubting myself as a mother.  She finally fell asleep after the 10 minute stretch.  10 minutes doesn't seem like much - but when there is a baby crying for help involved it seems like an eternity.  But she slept through the night and woke up just as happy as could be.  The next day her naps were wonderful and she went down easier as well.  The second night we only had to reassure her 3 times before she calmed down and fell asleep and the next 2 nights required no trips in to comfort her before she fell asleep.  I couldn't be more happy with the results.  Especially since the literature suggests that it can take up to 14 days for babies to successfully self-soothe.  14 days might have murdered me.  I feel so much more comfortable in my routine now.  I don't dread nap time or bedtime.  It's been liberating.

At 4 months - we have a very effective schedule.

9:00 AM - Wake up - Nurse Nora and snuggle
9:30 AM - Play time! - This includes tummy time, saucer time, swing time, toy time, giggle time, etc.
10:00 AM - Cereal - Nora eats 1 Tbs. of rice cereal or oatmeal mixed with a couple teaspoons of baby food.  So far she has enjoyed Banana's, Peaches, Sweet Potatoes, and Peas! - This kid loves to eat (:
10:30 AM - Nap Time
12:00 PM - Nurse and more cereal
12:30 PM - Playtime - A couple times a week this is when we have bath time.  This is Nora's FAVORITE kind of playtime.  She is always the happiest when she is naked in the tub.
1:00 PM - Snuggle time.  One-on-one time.  I talk to Nora, read to her, hold her and rock her.
1:30 PM - Nap Time
3:00 PM - Nurse
3:30 PM - Playtime
4:00 PM - Nap Time
6:00 PM - Nurse and Cereal
6:30 PM - Playtime - We like to add some "Baby First TV" Shows.  She especially loves the Color Crew
7:30 PM - Nap Time
9:00 PM - Nurse
9:30 PM - Playtime
10:30 PM - Cereal and Nurse
11:00 PM - Bedtime Routine : Change her diaper and put on her jammies.  Swaddle her and sing her a lullaby.
11:15 PM - Lay her down

And she sleeps ALL night long!  I am so blessed and I love the support I get from my sweet hubby!  We love our baby girl and have loved learning how to be parents together!

Help .. Motherhood Worries

Today I am doing a little bit of contemplating.  I've been really torn on a certain matter lately.  You see, I have this beautiful, most perfect baby in the world.  And this sweet baby loves my attention.  She loves to be held and doted on.  Especially at nap time.  Whenever it's time for sleep - she insists on being held.  She rarely falls asleep on her own.  I love my baby and I wanted nothing more than to bring her into this world.  But I also have to work full time during the day. But this job is a blessing because I get to work from home and also take care of my sweet angel.  Enter pressing issue.  What would I like to do all day?  Hold my baby.  Rock her to sleep, soothe her when she cries, nurse her when she pleases and play with her all day.  But I am not only am I a full-time Mom, I am also a full-time employee and I have to work so that we can pay bills.  So, knowing that I have a work "to-do" list, I find myself hoping that my baby will sleep and I can accomplish something .. anything.  I don't have a bad baby.  She plays a lot on her own, she smiles, she giggles, she enjoys life.  But when she gets tired, there's usually a long routine involved with putting her down.  When I am trying to put her down and hoping that she will sleep - in the back of my mind I am asking myself what kind of mother I am.  I can't help but think of the many people who can't have children, or who have lost children.  I know that they would give anything just to hold their baby, and they want nothing more than to hold their baby all day long.  Does it make me a bad mother that I want her to sleep?  Not only sleep but self-soothe?  I want her to fall asleep on her own.  I need to have time to work, shower, clean the house etc.  I feel too many time a baby is rated on how little they inconvenience their parents.  I don't mind holding her and coddling her.  I want to give her everything she needs. And I know she has needs that are different than mine.  That doesn't make her a bad baby.  I am torn because I want to give her those things but I can't.  Help me out other Mommy's.

A Little Slice of Life

Well, I missed a week - But here I am again.  Ready to post as my sweet baby sleeps in her swing.  Things are wonderful at the Ericksen household and I literally couldn't feel more blessed.  I feel like we are really in the swing of this whole "parenting" thing.  We are on schedules, we know Nora's language and her many (many) moods.  I feel like, for the most part, we know how to attend to her needs and calm her down when it's needed.  Nora sleeps through the night.  She lays down at around midnight and doesn't wake up until 8 sometimes 9 or even 10! This kid takes after her Daddy in more ways than one.  When she wakes up - I bring her into bed with me and nurse her and we get to lay together and enjoy some Mommy/ Daughter time.  [AKA I am lazy and don't want to get out of bed yet.] After she eats sometimes she will take another little cat nap - let's face it, eating is such a tiring task.  Then we get up and play! With a fed belly and the tired bugs all out, I've got a smiley talkative and overall happy baby.  We talk, smile and giggle and I eat it up! If she was saying "Mom, give me chocolate for every meal of every day" I would comply because her little personality is so captivating! [And because I am utterly obsessed with chocolate duh.] After some play time Nora enjoys a nice swinging session.  She loves her swing because here she meets up with the baby in the mirror.  She laughs at her and talks to her for 30 minutes.  These 2 get along really well.  After an exhausting meeting with Baby in the mirror, she usually dozes off to sleep and takes about a 2 hour nap in her swing.  We follow an Eat, Activity, Sleep schedule and it works really well for Nora Grace.  After her morning nap we eat again.  I try to pump at least once a day for milk storage purposes and this is usually the time I can fit it in.  One of Nora's favorite activities is shower time.  This kid has LOVED baths and showers from day one.  She's to the point now that she can sit in her bumbo seat in the shower which adds a new level of "niceness" for me cause I can now wash my hair and make my shower effective while my baby plays!

She is at such a fun age.  She recognizes us and is excited to see us.  She lights up at our faces.  She loves to stare at the Christmas tree - The lights are so intriguing to her.  She also watches The Color Crew on TV and seems to actually enjoy it! Is this even possible for a not-even 3 month old?

Being a mother is more than anything I could have asked for.  I love every minute of it. I've read too many stories and heard too many personal experiences of friends and family who have tragically lost little ones.  It breaks my heart time and time again and I can't imagine my life without my sweet baby.  But I feel like it's helped me to try and cherish every moment.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Every day is bitter-sweet.  I miss her yesterday and look forward to her tomorrow.

I'm definitely not saying that there haven't been hard times. Knowing me, you must know that there have been many tears shed, although plenty of them have been out of love. But there have definitely been nights when I considered picking up the knife off the kitchen counter and putting myself out of misery.  There is something about not sleeping at all for nights and days in a row that makes you have irrational thoughts.  Thoughts that I am not proud of.  But those rough nights are so few compared to the wonderful sleep filled nights that we have been blessed with. There were 2 weeks where Nora refused to breastfeed.  She woulde scream and push herself away from me.  This was a really hard time for me because I was not ready to give up nursing.  But I dreaded every feeding because I knew she wouldn't latch.  It would sound like I was torturing her as I tried to force her to eat.  I would try and try and in turn cry and cry.  I sought after help from a lactation specialist but of course when I went in for my appointment - she ate completely fine. No fuss at all.  Then I felt embarrassed.  But after days of persistence and heaps of support from my husband we finally got back on track with nursing.  I am so thankful for that.  Nursing has been so important to me since before I had Nora.

I hear people say that having children puts a strain on your relationship, but in my case this isn't true.  Bringing Nora into our lives has only enhanced our relationship.  It's brought us so close.  Before Nora was born I was afraid that Stefan would come home to a crying, inconsolable baby and a mother in tears and he would be too easily frustrated and never want to come home.  But he has actually been my biggest support. He jumps at the opportunity to come home, change Nora's diaper, kiss and snuggle her (and me). He genuinely cares about my day and how Nora has behaved.  And on multiple occasions he has arranged for me to have some alone time, or sleep time.  I've never seen someone adore a baby as much as he adores Nora.  He's such a fantastic father and husband and I couldn't be more happy and lucky.   I am so thankful that the Lord sent me the only man that could handle me and treats me so perfectly.  I honestly love our life and our family and can't wait for the many years to come!

 

Nora Grace Updates

Oh how time flies with a new baby.  I regret everyday that goes by without a simple post.  That being said, I am going to try and post something at least once a week - even if it is a picture and a couple lines.  This blog is my journal and I need to remember these precious moments.

Nora is now 10 weeks old.  She now weighs almost 11 pounds.  She's a chunk and we wouldn't have it any other way.  The rolls on her little legs are so kissable and her chubby little cheeks are to die for.  But what's grown the most has been her personality.  She is such a joy to have in our family.  This kid has a smile that lights up my life.  She is so sweet and when our eyes meet and she flashes me her wide gummy smile - my heart melts.  She can coo with the best of them and I love to hear her talk.  She likes to mimic me so we babble back and forth.  And let me tell you about her lungs.  She's got the power to scream.  When she decides she is unhappy, you'll know.  And chances are your neighbor will too cause this kid can shout! Sometimes she can be a little dramatic, but hey, look at who her Mommy is ... Right?

She has started sleeping through the night and I couldn't be more happy and proud.  She goes down to bed at about 12:00 and sleeps til 8:00 sometimes 9:00! That right there .. is a blessing any sleep-deprived Mom would be thankful for.  She makes it kinda tricky to lay her down some nights.  And what I have learned and constantly repeated to myself is that she is a human being.  She isn't some little robot that I can program and do things exactly the same everyday.  Although schedules and structure are healthy for infants - I think it's important not to become too dependent upon them because things won't always go the way you have planned.  I don't go to bed at the same time every night and I certainly don't time myself to eat at certain times of the day. Sometimes I want a snack and so should Nora at times.  Neither of us is perfect.  We are both two imperfect beings and we are learning together.  I make mistakes and learn from them and hopefully try harder the next time around.  I'm thankful for the Lord and his patience with me in taking care of his daughter.  I want to be the best mother I can be for her and for him.  But most importantly is that I know I need his help, and with this help, I CAN succeed and feel good about the mother I am becoming.

We were so lucky to be surrounded by so many friends and family as we blessed Nora on Sunday November 25th.  It was sure proof of the love everyone has for us and for her.  The blessing was so beautiful and I couldn't have asked for a stronger spirit in the room.  There were few dry eyes in the congregation .. from the female audience at least.  I can't wait to watch this angel grow up and attain all the things her father has in store for her.  She was wide awake and oh so reverent.  That was an answer to prayers.  The love and support continued as we traveled to the soup bar luncheon.  We gathered and mingled for hours and everyone doted on our beautiful baby.  That was one of the most special days of our lives.  Thanks to all who attended and shared it with us.

Nora got her ears pierced a couple weeks ago and I am so proud of her.  She shed very few tears.  I, on the other hand, was in tears.  I felt guilty for putting my sweet baby through it - but I am so glad their done now! She's so pretty in her little diamond earrings.  We had a similar experience at the Doctor's office for her 2 month shots/immunizations.  It was so hard for me to watch and I just wanted to cry! But she quickly calmed down again after the mean nurses stabbed her little legs.  Thank goodness we don't have to go back for another 2 months.

All in all, I can't believe how quickly time is going by and how fast she is growing up! It's so bittersweet every single day.  I am happy for her new developments, but so sad that she is growing out of the newborn phase. I love her so much and love all the time we have to spend together! She makes my life complete!

The Adventures of Being a New Mommy

I have had a flood of emotions since becoming a Mother.  Too many to put down in words.  But I want to somehow remember a glimpse of what I have been feeling the last couple days, as well as the feelings I'll have in the upcoming days, weeks, etc.  This little miracle changed my life in a matter of seconds and I will never be the same.  I can't imagine my life before her.  It's so complete now - how empty I must have been before.  She's the biggest blessing to ever come into mine and Stefan's lives.  We can't thank The Lord enough for her and her ultimate perfection.

After delivering a baby, I felt like Superwoman.  I was on cloud 9.  It was such a successful delivery and I felt a natural high of accomplishment and success.  I brought this perfect little girl into this world and I was going to take care of her.  The adrenalin of labor was a wonderful thing and it lasted for a while after.  I felt an overwhelming sense of pride over my new daughter and her absolute perfection.  I felt proud over accomplishing such a hard task.  Breastfeeding came very natural to both Nora and myself and that only added to my sense of joy.

We stayed in the hospital for the next 48 hours and it was wonderful to have that time to relax and get used to my baby and her needs .. and to show her off to family and friends.  I immediately loved my new role as a mother.  And what better was to see Stefan quickly adapting to his new role as a Daddy.  He, the one who was convinced that he would be a laid-back Dad prior to delivery, worried over every whimper and cry.  It was touching to see how much he loved her from the instant they met.  He stood by her side the first 24 hours of her life.  He was her protector, and will continue to be throughout her childhood.  She immediately had him wrapped around her pretty little finger .. and he knew it.  He couldn't be more proud of his new daughter and he showed her off to everyone in the hospital.

The adrenalin and excitement helped me to forget the pain I was in.  I couldn't be more thankful for those first few days in the hospital and all the help of the nurses and family.  But after our 48 hours it was time to go home and figure out this "parenthood" thing without the help of nurses.  We arrived at a less than ideal home.  An un-fit nursery for our little princess and a too-sore Momma to do anything about it.  Daddy made a quick Target run for all of our last-minute purchases namely the pack-n-play, diapers, lanolin cream, tucks pads, etc.  I began to feel weepy as I realized we had no dinner and I had no strength to make it.  Not to mention we had no food in our fridge.  I felt forgotten by my Relief Society sisters.  And overwhelmed with all the work their was to do in our home and in Nora's nursery.  A few minutes later, we had a group of visitors armed with their serving hands.  They arrived just in the nick of time to put together the pack-n-play, assemble my rocking chair, clean my kitchen, feed us, and fix-up the nursery.  How blessed I felt and tears began to stream down my face.  I couldn't stop them from coming.  I felt embarrassed for the condition of my fridge and Nora's room, but I also felt grateful for all their help at the perfect timing.  After all this much needed help around our home, they left and came back with groceries to fill our fridge.  People should know better than to make a new mother cry.  She can't and won't stop crying for days.  What a testimony of service I gained that first day home with my new baby.

The baby blues are a real thing and no matter how happy I am to be a mother to this perfect angel, I find myself shedding tears over ridiculous things.  The second day home, I remember being starved but needing to feed my hungry baby.  I ran quickly to the kitchen and grabbed the left-overs of a sandwich.  I quickly started to shovel the food in my mouth, and then stopped promptly in my tracks and started to bawl.  I felt fat.  I still had the after-baby pooch and cried because I was eating like an obese person.  Even though I was very lucky and gained little weight throughout my pregnancy, there was still a gut there and it made me feel un-beautiful.  I cried because I was embarrassed about needing to wear diapers.  I felt gross and icky every time I completed my bathroom routine.  I felt pathetic.  The reality of childbirth is not pretty - and that right there, is a harsh reality.  Luckily, the joys overpower these mini emotional meltdowns.

Life is so different now.  But it has absolutely changed for the better.  We are learning more and more every day.  We love this challenge and it's accompanying highs and lows.  With time, the icky side effects have faded, my skinny jeans fit again, and we've set into our roles as parents and the most important and memorable emotion is the pure love and joy we have for Nora Grace.