Post of Shame

Similar to the walk of shame - this post is an embarrassing realization of my mistake; failing to post on a regular basis. My blog community will see my return "home" and be insulted by my inappropriate blogging tendencies. I am ashamed as I return but it must be done!  Let's be honest here folks, time is of the essence. I'm extremely lacking in the time department. However, I want to take a few short minutes each day and remember the adorable things my toddler says. Or the silly things my baby (yes she is still a baby at 14 months) does! So I here I sit on the latrine putting my new goal into effect. 

This morning as I lay Gwen down for her morning nap - I gave her a kiss and started to leave the room as usual. Nora stopped me and said "Mom, we need to sing to Sissy!" We always sing I am a Child of God at bedtime and Nora always likes to help but we don't usually sing for naps. She then sang I am a Child of God perfectly by herself. I just stared because I didn't know she had picked up so many of the words. She usually stumbles along side me as I sing. But today she knew every word (toddler versions of the words of course). It made my heart smile. And I may have had some sweat leaking from my eyeballs. It's such a joy to be a mother. To watch your child develop and grow and become people. It's humbling. 

I love my girls more than words can say, cliché  right? But it's so true. Every day brings new joys. I'm really addicted to this motherhood thing. My life would be a big nothing without my family. 

"Family, isn't it about .... Time?" 😉

Chapter 2

Things have been well for us.  We are so blessed that Gwen is happy and seemingly healthy.  While she still hasn't gained an ounce, she is active and bubbly.

Gwen went in for an Upper GI a few weeks ago.  It broke my heart to see someone so small wear a hospital gown and my heart breaks for all of the Mommas out there who see their little ones living in hospital gowns.

 Still sporting her bow of course

They were looking for possibly an obstruction anywhere along her gastrointestinal tract that may be the reason for her GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) or possibly a blockage.  They didn't find anything of that nature but they did find that she has significantly slowed emptying from her stomach to her intestines.  Although this test isn't designed to diagnose this - the doctors seemed concerned about it.

When we returned to the specialists office to discuss the results, we got bad news.  The drugs previously used in cases of slowed emptying have been taken off the market due to negative side effects.  The new course of action would be a prolonged course of azithromycin.  However, it is not safe for patients who have a family medical history of heart arrhythmia.  Unfortunately for Gwen, that is very prevalent in her family history.  Stefan was diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome, a type of SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia).  And her grandpa also suffers from heart arrhythmia.  So, the specialist suggested we rule out heart arrhythmia in Gwen and then maybe she could be deemed a candidate for the azithromycin.

Now, even though the upper GI turned back some results.  They still are not the reason she is "failing to thrive".

We took Gwen back to her pediatrician on Friday for a weigh-in.  They put Gwen on the scale and my heart sunk when I saw that in 4 weeks not only had she not gained an ounce but she had in fact lost weight.  Despite eating more than any other 8 month old on the planet - she had lost 200 grams.  Half a pound.  It may not seem like much but on an emaciated infant - it is significant.

After that, the tests began.  Gwen's pediatrician ordered several blood tests, an EKG and urine samples. Since Gwen only weighs 5 kg they can only take 5 cc's of blood every couple of days.  Gwen also has very tiny superficial veins which are very hard to draw blood from.  They had to poke her twice the first day and they fished around in her arm for what seemed like hours and they were only able to get 4 cc's.  She was exhausted and very upset.  I was having a hard time watching them hold her down and listening to her scream.  Though I'm trying to remind myself to be strong for Gwen.

 Being a good sport

It'll be a long couple weeks trying to get all this blood drawn for tests, but we are anxious to start ruling out serious conditions and hopefully find the reason our sweet baby is staying so tiny.  I can't help but worry about her. I don't know how to stop scary thoughts from entering my mind but deep down I know that it's all in the Lord's hands and he will take care of all of us.  Right now I am just snuggling her extra tight and even breaking the rules and rocking her to sleep sometimes.  We're praying that whatever they find can be easily treated/managed and if not we pray for the strength to handle any diagnosis we may receive.

Update on Gwen

I should be punished for my lack of blogging.  And that's all I have to say about that.

Gwen Avery Ericksen.  The world's most chipper, lively, little nugget.  I love this baby to the moon and back.  She has further defined the word "Mother" to me.  We have a special bond and I thank my Father in Heaven everyday for sending her to me.  Between her and my amazing, tom-boy toddler - I couldn't be more blessed.

Gwen had a rough beginning to her life.  She suffered from gas and acid reflux.  My hearts broke to see her in pain and sit by feeling helpless.  They prescribed her Zantac which seemed to help about as much as a prescription for chapstick would have helped the situation.  My poor baby was always uncomfortable and/or in pain.  She would wake up from a deep sleep screaming and covered in puke.  She never seemed content during the day.  It was a hard road.  And in all honesty, I wasn't sad for myself.  I never thought "I wish she was an easier baby" for me.  I always felt for her sake.  I wanted her to be happy for herself.  It's a terrible feeling to watch an infant in distress and not be able to do anything for her. What kind of a mother did that make me?  This question plagued me frequently.  But I always felt love and compassion toward Gwen.  I never resented her.  I only wished health and happiness upon her.

Thankfully Gwen was a good sleeper and always has been.  The persistence of sleep training has always paid off for me and I am so grateful to have 2 beautiful babes who sleep 12 hours through the night and have since they were 12 weeks old.

Gwen was born very small.  At 5 lbs. 12 oz. she looked like a toy doll.  Preemie clothes were all that fit her.  I loved having a tiny baby.  She was so beautiful and perfect.  I couldn't have loved her anymore.  Soon, babies that were Gwen's same age started growing.  At first I thought it was cute how she weighed less at 3 months than most full term babies weighed.  I thought nothing more of it.  She was born small - thus she'd be a little behind in gaining weight.  Soon, however, it seemed odd.  At 5 months, Gwen was still wearing newborn diapers and newborn clothes comfortably.  Strangers constantly commented on her size and I grew self conscious.  We made an appointment to see Gwen's new doctor after moving to Florida.  Her doctor was abrupt.  Although I appreciate her aggressive nature as a doctor, I felt embarrassed as a mother.  How could I not have seen the issue at an earlier age?  Why hadn't I expressed concern about her size previously?  More importantly; what had I done wrong?  Thoughts raced through my head and almost demoralized me.  Being a mother is my greatest calling in life.  To feel as though I had done it all wrong shamed me.  I felt like everyone was staring at me and quietly thinking I was a bad Mom.

After some suggestions, referrals, and follow-up appointments, Gwen's doctor diagnosed her with Failure to Thrive noting that she was malnourished.  I know there are worst things to hear as a parent.  But to me, this was heart breaking.  It was an F on my Motherhood report card.  Someone was insinuating that I had starved my child.  That I didn't offer her the right care that a responsible mother should.

Gwen is still being tested to see "why" she has a failure to thrive.  And I have tried to accept that it's not my fault.  But those negative thoughts still seem to be part of my though processes.  At this point I just snuggle my little baby even more and pray that she is alright inside and out.  She's perfect to me.  But I hope that her health and size can soon be "perfected" as it pertains to medical standards.  She brings so much joy to my life and to our family.  We couldn't imagine a better piece to our family puzzle.  Gwen puts a smile on every persons face.  I can't express how perfectly she completes me.

Well That's a First

Tonight I feel like I deserve the worst mother award! Gwen is on Zantac for her reflux. Today I left the bottle on our remote control tray on the couch. Tonight  Nora was watching a movie and I was making dinner when she brought me the bottle and said "all gone". I immediately panicked! Had she drank it all or spilled it somewhere?? I examined the spot where she had been sitting and found no wet spots. However her favorite blanket surely had some of the medicine on it and so did her pants. I tried smelling her breath and didn't seem to smell the medicine but how official could my smell test really be? So I had to do something I've never had to do before and never want to do again. I had to call poison control and explain the situation. Although I am very grateful for the help on the line and how effective the call was I feel TERRIBLE! She had to get all my personal information. I'm sure it has to be reported unless it need be a case for CPS. I almost started crying when she was asking for my address and such. What kind of mom leaves a bottle of prescription medicine out where a toddler could easily get to it!? Although the situation wasn't serious it certainly could have been had it been something more dangerous. My poor baby Nora! This was such a reminder of just how careful I need to be as a toddler'a mother! I hope I never have to contact poison control again! .... Please lie to me and tell me you other moms have had similar situations. Thanks in advance. 

Nutella and Poop

This doesn't need much elaboration. Turns out the kid loves Nutella. 

She's not evil .. She's saying "Cheese!"

I had my little heart broken today. Stefan was performing a "routine diaper change" post nap. It turned out to be a lot more than he bargained for. It was the award-winning "weekly-stink" (the stinkiest diaper of the week). He kept gagging and coughing and talking about how bad and how messy it was. All of the sudden Nora broke into tears. And of course, I, like an emotional baby, started crying too. It must have really embarrassed her and I just couldn't stop thinking about how sad that situation was. Her parents, the people that she depends on for love and encouragement just reduced her to tears over a stinky diaper. My heart seriously hurt for her. I immediately did all I could to try and help her feel beautiful and happy. And I made a vow to not say anything that would make her feel inferior or embarrassed. Even at a young age children are sensitive to the things we say and the things they hear about themselves. I need to be better about making sure that the ONLY things she hears about herself are positive. The world is going to be hard enough on her as it is (stupid world). She needs to know that she is absolutely loved and appreciated at home and that she is an amazing daughter of god! .. Even if she has stinky diapers (;

Toddler Files

We've introduced a new form of punishment in our house ... This kid though .. She just giggled and babbled to me the whole time all the while using adult hand gestures as if we were having an actual conversation. She cracks me up. And even though she was in time out - I couldn't help but smile at how big she is getting and how darn sweet she is. 

Had to post this. Only because it rarely happens anymore. And sleeping toddlers are just the sweetest thing ever. 

I love my little big girl. She makes me smile more than I knew was possible. ... But what I love more is BOTH my girls together

That'll melt your heart right there. I'm so glad that Nora loves her "sissy" Gwen. Thank goodness we can keep her (;

Pioneer Day Celebrations

We had a lot of fun this weekend! And lucky for us, Pioneer Day lasted all weekend! Our first trip was to Spanish Fork for their Fiesta Days carnival and craft fair. I absolutely love carnivals and fairs. Nothing says summer to me more than funnel cakes and carnies! It is so fun to share holidays with Nora now that she is getting older and she'll start to have memories of these fun experiences. I loved carnivals growing up and my dad always made sure we had plenty of tickets to enjoy all the rides. He was great in that way. We got to take Nora on the few rides she was tall enough for!

On Friday we went on a family date to the Movies! We saw How to Train Your Dragon 2! I'm not much into kid's movies but watching Nora enjoy a movie at the theaters like a big kid is so fun. I can't put a price on these experiences. She's growing up so fast and although it's sad to see my baby grow up, it is so fun to watch her learn and experience and enjoy. She does pretty well in the theater ... Until her daddy eats all her popcorn and then she gets a little antsy (;

On Saturday we played with the Sage family down in Mona. We are glad they like us so much because they host one mean BBQ! Nora has so much fun with their teenagers .. Haha! They had a celebration in the park and then we did BBQing and fireworks in the evening. Nora also enjoyed running through the sprinklers and tormenting the alpacas haha. She also learned the hard way that the hot end of the sparkler WILL burn you. :( I absolutely hate seeing her get hurt. Obviously injury is inevitable but I so wish that I could keep her safe from all harm and pain. I could lose my mind worrying about all the things that might hurt her. I think that's one of the hardest things as a parent, knowing you can not keep your kids 100% safe. Even the little bumps and scratches make me sad. But I know it's all a part of this earthly experience and I can only do my best and have faith that everything else is in the Lord's hands!

My Pledge to Post!

Of all the things I think I may be good at - posting on my blog is NOT one of them! But Nora is getting older and learning new things every day! Not to mention just being the cutest toddler around! I take approximately 47 pictures of her a day and although I would love to post them all on my insta G .. Ain't nobody wanna see that! And since my iPhone can't hold them all I am goin to try to be better at posting small posts frequently! Starting with this one ... 😍

Baking with Mama

I was baking some banana bread and thought Nora might want to help so I pulled up a chair (super safe.. Don't call CPS) and she insisted on wearing her apron just like mommy. And she helped me stir allllll night long! If this isn't the cutest picture you've ever seen .. I don't know what is! 

This toddler is going to steal my heart! I seriously have the best little buddy around! Nora Grace, mommy loves you more than words can say and I am so thankful for such a sweet baby girl as my best friend and first born!

Also ... One of my laziest mothering moments happened. ... But hey, at least she ate dinner right? It just happened to be in the living room .. In front of Mickey Mouse. Rest assured that she ate every single morsel on her plate. (Can you tell I am trying to justify this legit TV dinner?) Sometimes when you're nursing the baby, you've just got to make it work .... Right?

But that ponytail! OMG - she's the best ☺️

Clean Eating Lettuce Wraps to DIE for.

We've been clean eating in our house.  That's right - we wash all our foods with soap and water before we eat them.  So fresh and so clean, clean.  Ok - but really.  We've been eating clean.  I love to cook - I love to NOT follow recipes so it's been a little bit of a challenge for me.  Tonight's dinner was definitely a success so despite the fact that nobody cares I am going to post this recipe. .. P.S. Leave a comment with your favorite Clean Eating  recipes.
Please.

Clean-Eating Lettuce Wraps
1lb ground turkey
3tbs EVOO
2 carrots, peeled and cut into small strips
2 parsnips, peeled and cut into small strips
1 tsp. ginger
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
1/2 c. freshly squeezed orange juice
1/4 c. soy sauce
1/2 c. beef broth
1 tbs honey
pepper, red chili flakes (optional)
1 head of iceberg lettuce, leaves peeled off whole if possible
4 cups cooked brown rice

In a large skillet cook up your ground turkey, drain any excess fat if there is any and then add your carrots and parsnips cover and cook on medium high for 5-8 minutes stirring occasionally. Once carrots are tender add your onions, garlic and ginger right into the pan, cook uncovered for 2-3 minutes until onions become translucent. Now add your orange juice, soy sauce, honey and beef broth, bring to boil, reduce heat and let simmer for 8-10 minutes until liquid becomes mostly thick and not so watery. Add pepper and red chili flakes to taste. No need to add salt there should be enough with the soy sauce that was added. Now serve with rice and lettuce.

Enjoy!

Basil Cream Chicken Pasta

I FAIL at posting yummy recipes that I "accidentally" concoct.  In fact, I usually forget how I made them and can never replicate!  It's a weakness!  Tonight - after I took the first bite of this pasta, I grabbed my phone and wrote down EXACTLY what I put into it so I could, one day, re-create.  Well .. Not exactly cause heaven knows I eyeball every measurement.  But without further ado, Basil Cream Chicken Pasta.

Chicken:
1 Chicken Breast (cut into small chunks)
1 Egg
1/4 cup milk
1 Cup Bread Crumbs
1 Tbs. Butter

Dip chicken chunks in egg and milk mixture, followed by bread crumbs.  Cook chicken pieces in melted butter over low/medium heat until cooked through.

Sauce:
2 Tbs. butter
3/4 Cup chicken broth
1/2 Cup heavy cream
1/8 tsp. pepper
1 Tomato - diced
1 tsp. basil
1 tsp. sugar
1 Tbs. parmesan
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella

Melt 2 Tbs. butter.  Add chicken broth, heavy cream, and pepper.  Cook for 1 minute.  Mix in tomato, basil, sugar and parmesan.  Cook for another minute.  Turn heat to low and add mozzarella.  If needed thicken with mixture of flour and water.  Remove from heat. Salt to taste.

Serve sauce over pasta and chicken and you can die a happy, fed person!

Baby Sister

We just found out that baby two is gonna be a sister!  We are so excited to meet her and see what she looks like!  I am so excited for Nora to have a sister so close in age.  My hopes are that they will be the best of friends!  I can't wait to have another baby to get "dolled up" with bows and frills!  Daddy is so excited to be surrounded by girls.  He's so good to us girls and we are lucky to have him!  Just 19 short weeks and we will be holding this precious baby girl in our arms.  We love her so much already!

I started a blog for her just as I did with Nora.  If anybody has any interest to read it, you can find it at

http://lovenotesforlittlesister.blogspot.com/

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

What is the meaning of Love anyway?

I've put off writing this post because I literally don't know how to put into words what I am feeling.  I've had such strong feelings on the matter lately, but it could be the pregnancy.  That has a funny way of getting to you.  This post is about love. 

The day I got married, I thought I knew love.  But on the day my little girl was born, I knew I knew love.  .. Fast forward a year and a half and I've decided I will never know love.  Love is always growing and is literally immeasurable.  I think back on that special day that I brought my baby into this world.  How was it possible to love somebody SO MUCH after just meeting?!  Talk about "love at first sight"!  But my love for her has grown so much I can't even express it.  My best attempts are late at night when I miss her after she's gone down for bed.  I sneak into her room and insist on picking her up from her peaceful sleep and rock her in my arms.  My heart swells and all her perfection captivates me to the point that tears stream down my face uncontrollably.  Sometimes I feel that my heart cannot hold all the love I will have for her in, say, one year.  Surely it will burst. 

I sometimes worry about something happening to Nora and devastation blinds me.  The thought is merely unfathomable.  My sweet husband reminds me that it's unhealthy to entertain these thoughts and of course he's right.  It wouldn't stop anything from happening.  And worrying definitely doesn't invite the Spirit.   So I try to push them away and cherish every moment even more.  My point is to say that Nora is my whole life and I would be beside myself if anything were to happen to her.  I tell everyone that Nora is my best friend.  Usually followed by a chuckle .. but that's not a joke.  I  spend almost every minute of the day with her and I can't imagine it any other way.  She brightens my day.  Her little gap-toothed slobbery smile lights up any room.  The sound of her pitter-pattering feet through our house makes my heart skip and I can't help but feel my face smiling.  She has so much personality bundled into her little self.  Her sweetness and tenderness amazes me.  She never ceases to amaze me.  The way she is so polite and helpful brings tears to my eyes.  A day without her in my life would be an eternity.  To not be hugged by her little body would be years without sunshine.  To not hear her say "ya-ya" (aka Mommy) would be numbing.  I need her more than I need to breathe.  My baby is my everything.  The one I look forward to shopping with and having "girls day" with.  I know she will not know the depth of my love for her until that one day that she brings her own baby into this world and experiences the miracle of motherhood. 

Being a mom has given me a deeper sense of self than I've ever received elsewhere.  It's my daily challenges and accomplishments.  It's my goals and triumphs.  I can't remember who I was without my daughter.  She makes me "me". She makes me whole.  I look forward to each and every day of mothering, nurturing, parenting, and raising.  I pray for the guidance and spiritual reassurance that I need to perform these tasks in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father.  If there is one thing I want to be "perfect" at, it's being a Mom.  I know I will never get there - but I will never stop trying. It's my job.  And I love it day in and day out. 

To my baby Nora:  You are my first born.  You made me a Mommy - you made me "me".  I can never express the love I have for you - but I can tell you that you mean more to me than you will ever know.  You took a broken person and made her whole.  You gave meaning to an otherwise ordinary woman.  You taught me more about love than any song, sonnet, or "flick" could have attempted to.  You will never know the extent of my love and it will never stop growing.  You are so perfect in every single way.  I hope you always remember how much you mean to just one person:  your Mommy.  Never stop hugging me, never stop kissing me, never stop illuminating my life with your vibrant personality.  It's my daily dose of everything that keeps me going.  I love you forever and always.  Love, Mommy.

Feeding Your Toddler

There comes a time when your baby becomes a little person that eats like a real human!  It's a bitter sweet moment when your Baby isn't actually a Baby anymore .. But I believe in my heart Nora will always be my Baby!  Ok I am getting away from the topic of this post.  The first time I realized Nora needed like ..  a meal .. I was stumped.  Like ... Milk?  Or ... Milk?  I don't know what to feed her!  It took a little thinking and brainstorming but I came up with some descent ideas and I thought I would share in case you are a little stumped yourself (:

Also, here are some helpful tips about nutrition facts and your little tot!  

This should give you a good reference on how much of each food group your little one needs each day!

Breakfast Ideas:

1: Raspberry Jam on Toast, Graham Crackers and Tomatoes

2: Scrambled Eggs with Cheese, Mandarin Oranges and Banana Bread

3: Cinnamon Sugar Toast, Mixed Fruit and Dulce De Leche Cheerios

4: Veggies and Eggs, Peach Parfait and Cheerios

5: Pancakes, Banana Slices, and Thanksgiving Turkey (:

6: Scrambled Eggs, Buttered Toast, and Tomatoes

P.S. IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY DISCOVERED THE PIZZA CUTTER - IT MAKES CUTTING THINGS INTO MINI SIZES SO EASY AND QUICK! DON'T UNDERESTIMATE IT'S POWER!

Lunch/Dinner Ideas:

1: Quesadilla, Ham Slices, Pasta Salad with Corn

2: Alfredo Noodles, String Cheese chunks and Banana Slices

3: Chicken Strip Pieces and Ketchup, Tater Tots and Mixed Veggies

4: Ravioli's, Mandarin Oranges and Mixed Veggies

5: Chicken Salad Sandwich, Grapes (Cut VERY Small), Corn

6: Alfredo Rotini, Polska Kielbasa Pieces, Yogurt Raisins 

Nora also gets her Milk at meal time.  She also enjoys a nice glass of water to wash her food down.  I have thoroughly enjoyed the Avent's My First Drinking Cup.  This cup is designed to help your toddler transition to grown-up drinking and mimics the use of a regular cup.  The spill-proof lid is lip activated and allows drinking from all the way around the rim.  Nora loves it!  I recommend only giving him/her 2 ounces at first - or your little one will be swimming in their drink.  

We like to give Nora treats about once every 3 or 4 days.  This can include a cup of 1/2 Water and 1/2 Juice (Keep in mind that fruit juices are not an acceptable substitute for fresh fruits), Fruit Snacks, Chocolate Chip Granola Bar, Popsicles, etc.  Keeping the treats to a minimum helps to keep a healthy balanced diet.  

Snacks are another story and we offer snacks once a day - but snacks are most definitely on the healthy side and come from whatever food group we may be lacking for the day.

Hope this hasn't been the most boring post you ever read in your life.  If it was, go read something from Ellen Degeneres' Twitter and forget all about it!  

Happy Eating!

This Is Halloween!

Some ideas I came up with for our Halloween Decor this year.  I love to decorate.  But I hate doing it on a dime.  However, it must be done.  This was all really easy and cheap! And pin away!

DIY Dollar store pumpkin ombre paint job

Home made witches potion bottles

Dollar Store pumpkin painted cream and monogrammed

Dollar store pumpkin painted with a chevron design!

Homemade Witches Broom with sticks from my driveway and burlap and ribbon!

Don't mind the tacky wallpaper border.  We rent my husband's grandmother's home and needless to say our decorating "tastes" clash pretty bad... Not to mention her style is quite outdated.  Bless her heart, we love her to pieces.  

Thanks for looking! Happy Halloween!

Halloweenie

I'm loving on this Halloween season!  I get all into the spirit of Holidays!  If I could, I would turn my whole house into an endless Haunted House.  But I can't.  Yet, I can throw up a few decorations here and there.  My first and foremost decoration is my chalkboard!  Customized for every event and holiday!  It's so fun to create and re-create with this puppy.  All I ever do to maintain it is slap on a new coat of chalkboard paint every now and again - let it dry and it's good to go!

Sporting this seasons most fitting fonts and the famous "Trick or Treat" saying.

I love you chalkboard.

Nora's First Birthday - Rainbow Birthday

We just celebrated Nora's FIRST birthday party and it couldn't have gone more perfectly!  We had so many good friends and family there to help us celebrate.  She is such a spoiled little princess!  I only wish I had gotten more pictures of the party and the intricate details.  I designed everything for the party and had so much fun doing it.  I just discovered that I enjoy planning parties .. while simultaneously hating it at the same time because instead of sleeping at night, my mind makes ongoing To Do lists.  Needless to say, after the party I slept like a little baby.  

If you want to throw a Rainbow Birthday party - Here's a link to my Etsy Shop to purchase this kit completely personalized with your information!  

https://www.etsy.com/listing/163394138/rainbow-birthday-party-kit?ref=shop_home_active

And how about this .... A coupon code for 20% off the Rainbow Birthday Personalized Kit!  Share with all your friends! .... Also, Pin Pin Away!