The Adventures of Being a New Mommy

I have had a flood of emotions since becoming a Mother.  Too many to put down in words.  But I want to somehow remember a glimpse of what I have been feeling the last couple days, as well as the feelings I'll have in the upcoming days, weeks, etc.  This little miracle changed my life in a matter of seconds and I will never be the same.  I can't imagine my life before her.  It's so complete now - how empty I must have been before.  She's the biggest blessing to ever come into mine and Stefan's lives.  We can't thank The Lord enough for her and her ultimate perfection.

After delivering a baby, I felt like Superwoman.  I was on cloud 9.  It was such a successful delivery and I felt a natural high of accomplishment and success.  I brought this perfect little girl into this world and I was going to take care of her.  The adrenalin of labor was a wonderful thing and it lasted for a while after.  I felt an overwhelming sense of pride over my new daughter and her absolute perfection.  I felt proud over accomplishing such a hard task.  Breastfeeding came very natural to both Nora and myself and that only added to my sense of joy.

We stayed in the hospital for the next 48 hours and it was wonderful to have that time to relax and get used to my baby and her needs .. and to show her off to family and friends.  I immediately loved my new role as a mother.  And what better was to see Stefan quickly adapting to his new role as a Daddy.  He, the one who was convinced that he would be a laid-back Dad prior to delivery, worried over every whimper and cry.  It was touching to see how much he loved her from the instant they met.  He stood by her side the first 24 hours of her life.  He was her protector, and will continue to be throughout her childhood.  She immediately had him wrapped around her pretty little finger .. and he knew it.  He couldn't be more proud of his new daughter and he showed her off to everyone in the hospital.

The adrenalin and excitement helped me to forget the pain I was in.  I couldn't be more thankful for those first few days in the hospital and all the help of the nurses and family.  But after our 48 hours it was time to go home and figure out this "parenthood" thing without the help of nurses.  We arrived at a less than ideal home.  An un-fit nursery for our little princess and a too-sore Momma to do anything about it.  Daddy made a quick Target run for all of our last-minute purchases namely the pack-n-play, diapers, lanolin cream, tucks pads, etc.  I began to feel weepy as I realized we had no dinner and I had no strength to make it.  Not to mention we had no food in our fridge.  I felt forgotten by my Relief Society sisters.  And overwhelmed with all the work their was to do in our home and in Nora's nursery.  A few minutes later, we had a group of visitors armed with their serving hands.  They arrived just in the nick of time to put together the pack-n-play, assemble my rocking chair, clean my kitchen, feed us, and fix-up the nursery.  How blessed I felt and tears began to stream down my face.  I couldn't stop them from coming.  I felt embarrassed for the condition of my fridge and Nora's room, but I also felt grateful for all their help at the perfect timing.  After all this much needed help around our home, they left and came back with groceries to fill our fridge.  People should know better than to make a new mother cry.  She can't and won't stop crying for days.  What a testimony of service I gained that first day home with my new baby.

The baby blues are a real thing and no matter how happy I am to be a mother to this perfect angel, I find myself shedding tears over ridiculous things.  The second day home, I remember being starved but needing to feed my hungry baby.  I ran quickly to the kitchen and grabbed the left-overs of a sandwich.  I quickly started to shovel the food in my mouth, and then stopped promptly in my tracks and started to bawl.  I felt fat.  I still had the after-baby pooch and cried because I was eating like an obese person.  Even though I was very lucky and gained little weight throughout my pregnancy, there was still a gut there and it made me feel un-beautiful.  I cried because I was embarrassed about needing to wear diapers.  I felt gross and icky every time I completed my bathroom routine.  I felt pathetic.  The reality of childbirth is not pretty - and that right there, is a harsh reality.  Luckily, the joys overpower these mini emotional meltdowns.

Life is so different now.  But it has absolutely changed for the better.  We are learning more and more every day.  We love this challenge and it's accompanying highs and lows.  With time, the icky side effects have faded, my skinny jeans fit again, and we've set into our roles as parents and the most important and memorable emotion is the pure love and joy we have for Nora Grace.