A Little Slice of Life

Well, I missed a week - But here I am again.  Ready to post as my sweet baby sleeps in her swing.  Things are wonderful at the Ericksen household and I literally couldn't feel more blessed.  I feel like we are really in the swing of this whole "parenting" thing.  We are on schedules, we know Nora's language and her many (many) moods.  I feel like, for the most part, we know how to attend to her needs and calm her down when it's needed.  Nora sleeps through the night.  She lays down at around midnight and doesn't wake up until 8 sometimes 9 or even 10! This kid takes after her Daddy in more ways than one.  When she wakes up - I bring her into bed with me and nurse her and we get to lay together and enjoy some Mommy/ Daughter time.  [AKA I am lazy and don't want to get out of bed yet.] After she eats sometimes she will take another little cat nap - let's face it, eating is such a tiring task.  Then we get up and play! With a fed belly and the tired bugs all out, I've got a smiley talkative and overall happy baby.  We talk, smile and giggle and I eat it up! If she was saying "Mom, give me chocolate for every meal of every day" I would comply because her little personality is so captivating! [And because I am utterly obsessed with chocolate duh.] After some play time Nora enjoys a nice swinging session.  She loves her swing because here she meets up with the baby in the mirror.  She laughs at her and talks to her for 30 minutes.  These 2 get along really well.  After an exhausting meeting with Baby in the mirror, she usually dozes off to sleep and takes about a 2 hour nap in her swing.  We follow an Eat, Activity, Sleep schedule and it works really well for Nora Grace.  After her morning nap we eat again.  I try to pump at least once a day for milk storage purposes and this is usually the time I can fit it in.  One of Nora's favorite activities is shower time.  This kid has LOVED baths and showers from day one.  She's to the point now that she can sit in her bumbo seat in the shower which adds a new level of "niceness" for me cause I can now wash my hair and make my shower effective while my baby plays!

She is at such a fun age.  She recognizes us and is excited to see us.  She lights up at our faces.  She loves to stare at the Christmas tree - The lights are so intriguing to her.  She also watches The Color Crew on TV and seems to actually enjoy it! Is this even possible for a not-even 3 month old?

Being a mother is more than anything I could have asked for.  I love every minute of it. I've read too many stories and heard too many personal experiences of friends and family who have tragically lost little ones.  It breaks my heart time and time again and I can't imagine my life without my sweet baby.  But I feel like it's helped me to try and cherish every moment.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Every day is bitter-sweet.  I miss her yesterday and look forward to her tomorrow.

I'm definitely not saying that there haven't been hard times. Knowing me, you must know that there have been many tears shed, although plenty of them have been out of love. But there have definitely been nights when I considered picking up the knife off the kitchen counter and putting myself out of misery.  There is something about not sleeping at all for nights and days in a row that makes you have irrational thoughts.  Thoughts that I am not proud of.  But those rough nights are so few compared to the wonderful sleep filled nights that we have been blessed with. There were 2 weeks where Nora refused to breastfeed.  She woulde scream and push herself away from me.  This was a really hard time for me because I was not ready to give up nursing.  But I dreaded every feeding because I knew she wouldn't latch.  It would sound like I was torturing her as I tried to force her to eat.  I would try and try and in turn cry and cry.  I sought after help from a lactation specialist but of course when I went in for my appointment - she ate completely fine. No fuss at all.  Then I felt embarrassed.  But after days of persistence and heaps of support from my husband we finally got back on track with nursing.  I am so thankful for that.  Nursing has been so important to me since before I had Nora.

I hear people say that having children puts a strain on your relationship, but in my case this isn't true.  Bringing Nora into our lives has only enhanced our relationship.  It's brought us so close.  Before Nora was born I was afraid that Stefan would come home to a crying, inconsolable baby and a mother in tears and he would be too easily frustrated and never want to come home.  But he has actually been my biggest support. He jumps at the opportunity to come home, change Nora's diaper, kiss and snuggle her (and me). He genuinely cares about my day and how Nora has behaved.  And on multiple occasions he has arranged for me to have some alone time, or sleep time.  I've never seen someone adore a baby as much as he adores Nora.  He's such a fantastic father and husband and I couldn't be more happy and lucky.   I am so thankful that the Lord sent me the only man that could handle me and treats me so perfectly.  I honestly love our life and our family and can't wait for the many years to come!

 

Nora Grace Updates

Oh how time flies with a new baby.  I regret everyday that goes by without a simple post.  That being said, I am going to try and post something at least once a week - even if it is a picture and a couple lines.  This blog is my journal and I need to remember these precious moments.

Nora is now 10 weeks old.  She now weighs almost 11 pounds.  She's a chunk and we wouldn't have it any other way.  The rolls on her little legs are so kissable and her chubby little cheeks are to die for.  But what's grown the most has been her personality.  She is such a joy to have in our family.  This kid has a smile that lights up my life.  She is so sweet and when our eyes meet and she flashes me her wide gummy smile - my heart melts.  She can coo with the best of them and I love to hear her talk.  She likes to mimic me so we babble back and forth.  And let me tell you about her lungs.  She's got the power to scream.  When she decides she is unhappy, you'll know.  And chances are your neighbor will too cause this kid can shout! Sometimes she can be a little dramatic, but hey, look at who her Mommy is ... Right?

She has started sleeping through the night and I couldn't be more happy and proud.  She goes down to bed at about 12:00 and sleeps til 8:00 sometimes 9:00! That right there .. is a blessing any sleep-deprived Mom would be thankful for.  She makes it kinda tricky to lay her down some nights.  And what I have learned and constantly repeated to myself is that she is a human being.  She isn't some little robot that I can program and do things exactly the same everyday.  Although schedules and structure are healthy for infants - I think it's important not to become too dependent upon them because things won't always go the way you have planned.  I don't go to bed at the same time every night and I certainly don't time myself to eat at certain times of the day. Sometimes I want a snack and so should Nora at times.  Neither of us is perfect.  We are both two imperfect beings and we are learning together.  I make mistakes and learn from them and hopefully try harder the next time around.  I'm thankful for the Lord and his patience with me in taking care of his daughter.  I want to be the best mother I can be for her and for him.  But most importantly is that I know I need his help, and with this help, I CAN succeed and feel good about the mother I am becoming.

We were so lucky to be surrounded by so many friends and family as we blessed Nora on Sunday November 25th.  It was sure proof of the love everyone has for us and for her.  The blessing was so beautiful and I couldn't have asked for a stronger spirit in the room.  There were few dry eyes in the congregation .. from the female audience at least.  I can't wait to watch this angel grow up and attain all the things her father has in store for her.  She was wide awake and oh so reverent.  That was an answer to prayers.  The love and support continued as we traveled to the soup bar luncheon.  We gathered and mingled for hours and everyone doted on our beautiful baby.  That was one of the most special days of our lives.  Thanks to all who attended and shared it with us.

Nora got her ears pierced a couple weeks ago and I am so proud of her.  She shed very few tears.  I, on the other hand, was in tears.  I felt guilty for putting my sweet baby through it - but I am so glad their done now! She's so pretty in her little diamond earrings.  We had a similar experience at the Doctor's office for her 2 month shots/immunizations.  It was so hard for me to watch and I just wanted to cry! But she quickly calmed down again after the mean nurses stabbed her little legs.  Thank goodness we don't have to go back for another 2 months.

All in all, I can't believe how quickly time is going by and how fast she is growing up! It's so bittersweet every single day.  I am happy for her new developments, but so sad that she is growing out of the newborn phase. I love her so much and love all the time we have to spend together! She makes my life complete!

The Adventures of Being a New Mommy

I have had a flood of emotions since becoming a Mother.  Too many to put down in words.  But I want to somehow remember a glimpse of what I have been feeling the last couple days, as well as the feelings I'll have in the upcoming days, weeks, etc.  This little miracle changed my life in a matter of seconds and I will never be the same.  I can't imagine my life before her.  It's so complete now - how empty I must have been before.  She's the biggest blessing to ever come into mine and Stefan's lives.  We can't thank The Lord enough for her and her ultimate perfection.

After delivering a baby, I felt like Superwoman.  I was on cloud 9.  It was such a successful delivery and I felt a natural high of accomplishment and success.  I brought this perfect little girl into this world and I was going to take care of her.  The adrenalin of labor was a wonderful thing and it lasted for a while after.  I felt an overwhelming sense of pride over my new daughter and her absolute perfection.  I felt proud over accomplishing such a hard task.  Breastfeeding came very natural to both Nora and myself and that only added to my sense of joy.

We stayed in the hospital for the next 48 hours and it was wonderful to have that time to relax and get used to my baby and her needs .. and to show her off to family and friends.  I immediately loved my new role as a mother.  And what better was to see Stefan quickly adapting to his new role as a Daddy.  He, the one who was convinced that he would be a laid-back Dad prior to delivery, worried over every whimper and cry.  It was touching to see how much he loved her from the instant they met.  He stood by her side the first 24 hours of her life.  He was her protector, and will continue to be throughout her childhood.  She immediately had him wrapped around her pretty little finger .. and he knew it.  He couldn't be more proud of his new daughter and he showed her off to everyone in the hospital.

The adrenalin and excitement helped me to forget the pain I was in.  I couldn't be more thankful for those first few days in the hospital and all the help of the nurses and family.  But after our 48 hours it was time to go home and figure out this "parenthood" thing without the help of nurses.  We arrived at a less than ideal home.  An un-fit nursery for our little princess and a too-sore Momma to do anything about it.  Daddy made a quick Target run for all of our last-minute purchases namely the pack-n-play, diapers, lanolin cream, tucks pads, etc.  I began to feel weepy as I realized we had no dinner and I had no strength to make it.  Not to mention we had no food in our fridge.  I felt forgotten by my Relief Society sisters.  And overwhelmed with all the work their was to do in our home and in Nora's nursery.  A few minutes later, we had a group of visitors armed with their serving hands.  They arrived just in the nick of time to put together the pack-n-play, assemble my rocking chair, clean my kitchen, feed us, and fix-up the nursery.  How blessed I felt and tears began to stream down my face.  I couldn't stop them from coming.  I felt embarrassed for the condition of my fridge and Nora's room, but I also felt grateful for all their help at the perfect timing.  After all this much needed help around our home, they left and came back with groceries to fill our fridge.  People should know better than to make a new mother cry.  She can't and won't stop crying for days.  What a testimony of service I gained that first day home with my new baby.

The baby blues are a real thing and no matter how happy I am to be a mother to this perfect angel, I find myself shedding tears over ridiculous things.  The second day home, I remember being starved but needing to feed my hungry baby.  I ran quickly to the kitchen and grabbed the left-overs of a sandwich.  I quickly started to shovel the food in my mouth, and then stopped promptly in my tracks and started to bawl.  I felt fat.  I still had the after-baby pooch and cried because I was eating like an obese person.  Even though I was very lucky and gained little weight throughout my pregnancy, there was still a gut there and it made me feel un-beautiful.  I cried because I was embarrassed about needing to wear diapers.  I felt gross and icky every time I completed my bathroom routine.  I felt pathetic.  The reality of childbirth is not pretty - and that right there, is a harsh reality.  Luckily, the joys overpower these mini emotional meltdowns.

Life is so different now.  But it has absolutely changed for the better.  We are learning more and more every day.  We love this challenge and it's accompanying highs and lows.  With time, the icky side effects have faded, my skinny jeans fit again, and we've set into our roles as parents and the most important and memorable emotion is the pure love and joy we have for Nora Grace.

Shame on me

Shame on me for procrastinating my blogging. The baby came! Our Nora Grace was born on September 17th at 5:28 pm weighing 6 lbs. 8 oz. And measuring 19 inches long. She brought with her all the perfection a baby could possibly posses. And just like that my life changed overnight. What used to be about me and my needs immediately became about her and her needs. Bringing her into this world was a daunting task- but it was the most exhilarating thing i have ever done. I felt like superwoman. I feared delivery but i was determined to give it my all. I felt so brave and strong. Delivering my baby gave Me the most natural high I've ever experienced. And holding her for the first time I felt love I had never before experienced. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much in one instant. But that's a mother's love and it will never fade. On September 17th 2012 I became a mother and have loved every minute of it. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Update on the Belly and Life

28 Weeks

29 Weeks

30.5 Weeks   

32 Weeks

And the belly continues to grow! Yay for Nora! We can't wait to meet her and I am shocked that I only have 8 weeks left.  I have officially hit the 8 month mark.  I can't believe it.

My dear Husband has been in Alabama in the blazing heat at Air Force ROTC Field Training.  I am so proud of him, but I miss him so much it hurts.  The Lord has helped us and blessed us in so many ways to get to this point, and he continues to carry us over these long 4 weeks.  4 weeks doesn't seem long when I think about the deployments that may be in my future.  But 4 weeks is a really long time without any contact whatsoever.  My husband is my very best friend.  He's the person I go to with everything; the good and the bad and the normal day to day details.  I tell him when Nora kicks, or when she has the hiccups and he talks to her everyday.  We're always there for each other and we always hangout with one another.  Being without him is so lonely.  And not being able to talk to him or even see a text message from him makes me feel so empty.  Empty is a good word to describe how I feel.  And it's so strange to be feeling this emptiness when I am with my family.  The people I grew up with and who took care of me for 18+ years.  I guess it affirms the strong bond that I have with Stefan and how much I truly love and care for him.  Because even with the love of my parents, sisters and brother, my heart still hurts.

It's hard to know that he isn't enjoying himself either.  It's hot and there is so much being demanded of him every day.  He's in a place where he is being held to the highest standard.  He's stressed out 24/7, and I know him well enough to know that he is probably not sleeping well.  He's being yelled at constantly as they are trying to create the highest stress environment and weed out the weak links.  Stefan is a perfectionist so I hope he isn't being too hard on himself if he feels like he's failed at any certain task.  He's my hero.  So dedicated, hard-working, and persistent.  He wants to make a difference in this world and he's determined to reach his goals.  The Lord has made it possible for us to make it this far and it's beautiful to see him continue to answer our prayers daily.  I know that He is watching over Stefan while he is 2.000 miles away.  He's helping him to perform to the best of his abilities and remember all the things he's learned throughout his preparatory years of FTP.  I know that Stefan is praying for me because even though I feel lonely, I have felt comforted.  He's made the transition easier and he makes it a little easier each day.  I am so thankful for this gospel and for the support system I have within it.  I am thankful for my Savior and for his example to me.  I am thankful for my amazing husband who I can't wait to be reunited with.   He's my everything and soon we will be welcoming our sweet baby Nora home. We truly are so blessed.

Life as of late

So, I have officially given up on my chalkboard pictures project. One tear shed. Between missing weeks on vacation and being too sick to even think about "cheese", I got way too behind to catch up without posing a 26 week tummy for a 20 week one.  I feel terrible because it was something I was really looking forward to doing throughout this pregnancy, and something I was excited about having for documentation purposes and teaching my little girl about her life in the womb.  But like I said, our lives became a little too crazy for this (all too simple) task. But I have a great collection of bump photos on instagram that will have to suffice for documenting her growth ... I pawn all the growth off on her although I have done quite some growing myself...

23 Weeks

24 Weeks

25 Weeks

26 Weeks

My body is having a hard time handling this sweet fetus named Nora.  Physically, I've hit a wall and don't seem to have the necessary energy to complete simple daily tasks.  After trying to fight off an infection that was causing contractions and the flu all at the same time, I can't seem to recuperate. 

IV Fluids to the Max

This physical set back has me feeling emotionally set back. I think I am so exhausted that it's toying with my emotions.  I feel so helpless at times.  I can't even stand in front of the mirror long enough to put make up on, let alone clean the dishes.  All I feel capable of doing is resting.  And at times, I just feel sad for no reason at all.  And then I just want someone to punch me and remind me that I have nothing to be upset about.  I have a sweet baby girl on the way and I couldn't be more excited!  But pregnancy has been hard on me. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. But I look forward to nothing more than meeting this sweet girl.  I know she is more than worth it. 

19 Weeks

This post is so overdue that I am embarrassed. 

This was like .. 5 weeks ago. Mercy.

How far along? 19 Weeks 

Baby's Est. Size: The length of a mango!

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. 

Maternity clothes? Quite a few new shirts!

Sleep: It's getting more uncomfortable as baby girl grows!

Best moment this week: Celebrating our 1st Anniversary! I am so in love with my husband and am worried that it keeps growing every day... Can my heart handle any more love for him? 

Miss Anything? My family. 

Movement: She kicks.. oh does she kick! 

Food cravings: Dry cereal .. Butterfingers.

Food Aversions: Still peanut butter, broccoli, yogurt. 

Baby Items: Grandma Connie has been spoiling her weekly, although she purchased a few boy outfits before we knew we were having a girl... Mama Maxine Haskell made us some adorable burpies! They are so bright and girly! I bought baby girl a couple newborn onesies the other day .. mostly because newborn is the cutest size and I couldn't help but picture my sweetheart in those tiny outfits!
Showing: Well, yeah. (But a lot of people still say, "You don't even look pregnant")  

Symptoms: I've been feeling a lot better recently. 

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!

Looking forward to: Seeing my sister this weekend and our 20 week appt!

The Lucky One

This morning, as I sat in the passenger seat of our car on the way to work, I stared at my amazing husband and I cried silent sweet tears.  I watched him as he simply drove and wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms and stay there forever.  I cried tears of joy, for I feel so blessed to have met somebody so perfect, yet so humble and aware of his imperfections.  Someone so devoted to becoming the best person he can be through our Savior.  I cried because he is so beautiful inside and out.  I cried because his testimony is so pure and gives me goosebumps when he shares it.  Someone who prays so fervently and always invites the spirit into our home.  I cried because I love the way his body makes me crave him.  I cried, partly out of sadness, because pregnancy has made that intimate connection between the two of us almost impossible.  I cried because I miss that bond.  But my tears were again turned to joy as I remembered how lucky I am to have someone so understanding and willing to communicate in my life.  I cried because I knew I would have to pursue a whole day of work before I got to see my best friend again.  I thought about him, the love of my life, as the Father of our Daughter and I cried.  I cried because he is going to be an amazing Father and our sweet Nora is among the luckiest of girls to know this man.  I cried because I can only hope and pray that she will find someone as perfect as He is one day.  Someone who is always as willing to put her needs first, even if they don't always align with his desires.  Someone who will truly make her feel like a princess, because every girl deserves that.  I pray that she recognizes this example in her father and cherishes it as she searches for an eternal companion of her own.  I cried because he is the hardest working man I know.  I cried thankful tears knowing that he would do anything for his family and for me especially.  He never gives up.  I cried out of amazement for the depths of my love for him, and it seems impossible for that amount to increase.  But I know it will continue to grow, and that made me cry some more.  I watched him do normal tasks; eat his breakfast, drive the car, and sing to the radio, and I continued to cry.  It's was a humbling experience.  And I am crying now as I express my feelings.  I can't help but feel nothing but blessed.  The Lord has taken care of us in more ways than I can count, and I do not offer my gratitude enough.  Among all the other categories of these tears, they were thankful tears from a thankful heart.  I can't wait to see my Husband after this long day of work and hold him tight.  To touch his sweet soft skin and smell his familiar scent.  And to cry again because I know, I am the lucky one.

  

   

Fun in the Sun

We were able to take a quick trip home to the lovely Californ-i-a.  It's always such a rewarding trip when we go home.  It's terrible that my parent's live 10 hours away by car and usually $200-$400 away by plane.  But it's well worth the time and money to visit them.  Stefan will be leaving for Field Training for the Air Force ROTC soon and he will be gone a stinkin' month with no contact. I am freaking out terrified.  Kelly Clarkson may be Ms. Independent, but that's just not me.  I need my husband every hour of every day.  It's already hard enough for me when we are separated at work each day with little contact due to our busy schedules.  How on earth am I going to survive this one folks? Riddle me this...  Well we wanted to be able to spend some time with mi familia before Hubby Dear leaves in a month so we packed up and left on a Jet(Blue) Plane to the good ole' SoCal.  As soon as we got off the plane, my sweet Mom and Dad greeted us with a warm welcome and news that my little (and only) brother Chrissy had received his mission call in the mail! How the heck is he already 19?  I don't even know.  And now he is going on a mission to Florianopolis Brazil? Wow.  That was an exciting moment and I am glad he waited to open the letter until we got back from the airport.  We are also stoked that Uncle Chris will be able to meet Baby Nora before he leaves.  This is a blessing.

We got to spend a lot of quality time, not only with each other, but with my family which is always needed.  I miss them so much when we are away.  It's hard that Stefan's parents are so close and we get to see them every Sunday, but seeing my parent's is a lot more of a rarity.  But it makes our reunions that much sweeter! 

Mom has already begun spoiling Nora.  She bought her all these cute outfits!  At first, I was sad to see 9M and 12M outfits.They were so big! I want my baby to stay small forever! But I am thankful for my wise mother who understands that most people are going to shower me with Newborn Size clothes that will only fit her for a limited amount of time.  Feel free to shed a tear.  Thanks Mom! For all your generosity and love toward Stefan, Nora and Myself.

Dad is so excited to be a Grandpa.  He kept (what he considers) tapping my stomach and shouting to Baby Nora.  He loves little girls and can't wait to spoil her.  It was a little hard to handle all the belly bumping, but I'm sure Nora knows, very well, who her Grandpa is and what his voice sounds like.  She has been fore-warned.

The twins turned 7 recently (Wow!) and wanted to hold off their Birthday Party until Stefan and I were there.  It was fun to celebrate with them.  They had a pink party at the park with a jumpy house and many activities.  Sydney had 5 friends from her class at the Deaf School.  And Brooke had 4 or 5 from her class.  It was fun to interact with the Deaf Mom's.  Deaf people are so sweet and helpful.  They were the parent's who stayed after to help us clean up.  I am also so impressed with my amazing Mother and her ability to sign.  She has learned so much this year and her dedication to Sydney and her mode of communication has increased tremendously.  She is an inspiration to me of a Mother who would do anything for her child.  Sydney is so blessed to have a mom who seeks out the absolute best care and practices for her.  The twins are getting so old and they are excited to be Aunts, yet I think they are still slightly confused by the meaning of the word.  Needless to say, they already love Nora (or Dora Nora as Sydney would say because she has to remind herself of the name by remembering that it sounds like Dora) and they are going to be wonderful Aunties!

 The Twins had their Piano and Voice recital.  I am so proud of them! Sydney plays all by ear which is amazing considering she is Hard of Hearing.  Brooke sang a solo "You'll Be in My Heart" and it brought tears to my eyes.  She has such a pretty voice and she is a very talented little girl.

 Sydney loves to draw pictures for everybody.  We got Thursday morning all to ourselves.  We colored, played outside in our swimming suits and enjoyed one another's company. I love that girl.

Nora has been kicking and moving so much more! I love it. Absolutely love it.  She was especially active on the plane ride.  She was doing all sorts of flips and turns on the landing into California.  I feel like I can start to gain a sense of her personality through feeling her move, is that crazy? She weighs about 1 pound now and is approximately 11 inches long.  I'm surprised to find out that people at work still don't know I am pregnant.  They must think I have gained a new-found relationship with Twinkies and the TV because the 12 pounds I've gained certainly aren't keeping any secrets.  We got out first large baby item while in California .. Nora's Stroller! It was another gift from Grandma Michelle.  Thanks again Mom! It was fun to bring home and wheel through the airport .. We had many awkward stares at our baby-less stroller.  Plus a few comments about how we were missing a baby.  We're excited to start collecting the baby necessities and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed that I haven't started sooner.  In the beginning, it seems premature to buy anything for the baby.  Now, I feel like there won't be enough time and money to get it all before she makes her debut.  I'm sure all will be fine, it's just the unnecessary Mommy Worries.  Soon, I will post the last 3 weeks of chalkboard pictures that I have failed to upload. Procrastination to a T, let me tell ya.

The cutest Daddy on the Block!

Mother's Day

As Mother's day rolled around, I had very mixed emotions.  I must admit, that my Husband spoiled me and I am not even sure if I quite deserved it... I felt like an illegitimate Mother at church as all the primary children got up and sang to their Mums.  But at the same time, I try to tell myself that I am a Mother and I am doing one of the most amazing things for my child right now.  I am growing her.  That sounds so eerie, like she's a plant.  If she was, she would undoubtedly be the prettiest flower in the garden. But she's not a flower, she's my daughter and I can't believe that every single day for the last 20 weeks, I've carried her with me.  I share every moment of my life with her right now.  I'm giving her life.  Doesn't that make me a Mom?  I didn't want to take one of the gorgeous flowers that they provided for all the Mothers of the Ward.  Even though we are in the sweetest ward and everybody insisted that I should, I still felt like a fake.  A Mock Mother.

My inhibitions also included my fears of Motherhood.  Don't get me wrong, I am more excited than I've ever been in my life, but that doesn't cancel out all of my worries and stresses.  I have always been a perfectionist.  I don't say that to brag, or make you think that I am perfect, because Heaven knows I am nowhere near perfect. And that's why I consider this "condition" as something I suffer from.  I want to be perfect in every aspect, yet I never seem to measure up to all the goals or aspiration I have for myself.  I always wanted to be the best dancer, yet never seemed to achieve that title.  I always worked my hiney off in school, and was very hard on myself when I didn't get straight A's.  In my marriage, I always seem to find the areas where I am falling short.  I can never do it all.  Especially while being pregnant.  I can never seem to get all the cleaning done that needs to be done for the day.  I have been a slacker when it comes to cooking dinner for my husband since I've been pregnant.  There's not enough money to finish all the projects I would like to finish, nor to buy all the decoration I would love to adorn my home with.  I don't read my scriptures every night like I know I should.  And instead of waking up early to say morning prayer with my husband, I usually hit snooze until I have only the exact amount of time it takes to get ready, thus leaving me prayer-less, breakfast-less and lunch-less.  All these shortcomings worry me as I realize that my load will become a lot more full in 20 short weeks.  If I can't balance all of my duties now, how on earth will I ever be able to juggle all the duties of a Mother, Wife, Homemaker, Visiting Teacher, Employee, Friend, etc.  I worry that I am lazy and that I will be too lazy to be the perfect Mom.  All I want to do is be the best Mom in the world, but is that desire enough to finish all the loads of laundry, scrub the toilets, make lunches for my family, and pay the bills?  Is that desire going to drive me to be the best?  Will I be able to look at myself at the end of the day and ever be pleased with my accomplishments?  How will I have the patience to calm a screaming child, fix a bottle, kiss my husband and not feel like I am at my witt's end?  Will my husband be able to say that I am the best mother?  Will he approve of all I do, or fail to do, in a day?  How will his frustrations at the end of a long school day not be aggravated when he comes home to find that I failed to clean the house and get dinner ready?  Will he still support me when I can hardly support myself? All of these things worry me when I consider my desire to be the best Mom that I can be.  How has anybody ever survived?  Will I survive?

I know the Lord is my source of hope in this.  I know that I am following one of the greatest commandments and that he will in turn bless me.  I know that he can make my weaknesses become strengths.  I sincerely pray in my heart, that I will better be able to make time for him, because I know, without a doubt, he is the only way for me to accomplish the things which he has commanded me.  I know there is no such thing as the "perfect mom" and my goal is not to be glorified as a mother through social networking.  I don't wish to blog about my "perfect" life and boast about my successes as a mother.  But I do hope to be able to do the things that I enjoy within my home, and family for my own sanity and happiness.  I am thankful for this gospel because I know that without it, I would be lost in these very depressing worries.  The Lord does love me and he does answer my prayers.  He will help me.  I just need to put my faith in him, count my blessings, and push forward.

This Mother's day, I am thankful for a supportive and loving husband who sees the Mother of his Children when he looks at me.  Who understands that under all this self-doubt, I just wanted to be recognized as a Mother.  A husband who understands the trials of pregnancy and how they will lead to a worthy Motherhood.  Who saw the need to recognize me and treat me like any other Mom this day.  I enjoyed a sweet scavenger hunt, well thought out by this sweet Mr. Somebody... The clues written on pink paper and burned on the edges for authenticity.  Clever clues upon each one, leading me closer and closer to the final prize.  With some help from him, because I have pregnancy brain and couldn't quite figure them all out (that's my story and I am sticking to it), I finally found the prize.  It was a gift certificate to the Season's Salon & Day Spa.  Stefan knows that this pregnancy has taken a toll on my body and I've had aches and pains in places I never knew existed. He heard me mention, probably once, that I would enjoy a nice massage.  And although he knows I love his massages, he decided to treat me to a real day-spa experience.  He also noted that the Spa has tanning, hair and nail, and tons of other treatments and services.  This is a place I could go to relax, rejuvenate, and feel beautiful.  He is so thoughtful.  I am so blessed to grow old with this perfect person.  Who, I might add, gets swamped each spring with my birthday, our anniversary, and Mother's day all within 3 weeks.  He's great at making me feel special and telling me he loves me more times throughout the day than I can even count.

Thank you Stefan, I love you more than words can say.
Thank you Nora, for making a Mother out of me.

  

18 weeks! Baby Ericksen is a ...

 

How far along? 18 Weeks 

Baby's Est. Size: The length of a bell pepper! 

Total weight gain: 8 lbs. 

Maternity clothes? My husband spoiled me with new maternity clothes for my birthday.  I have about 6 or 7 new shirts from Motherhood, a pair of Heidi Klum skinny maternity jeans, and some capris with the secret fit belly .. which, I might add, is the most comfortable style of maternity pant ever.  I am in love. 

Sleep: I've been pretty tired so sleeping has been better. 

Best moment this week: Finding out we are having a baby girl! We couldn't be more excited!

Miss Anything? My old clothes. 

Movement: A few flutters here and there! 

Food cravings: Sprite. Duh.

Food Aversions: Still peanut butter, broccoli, yogurt. 

Gender: She's a girl! 
Showing: I tend to think so! 

Symptoms: I've been feeling a lot better recently. 

Belly Button in or out? In.  I think it's getting a little more shallow, but Hubby thinks I'm crazy.

Wedding rings on or off? On. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!

Looking forward to: Our 1st Anniversary!

17 weeks!

How far along? 17 Weeks

Baby's Est. Size: The size of an onion!

Total weight gain: 8 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Just the belly band and a new maternity tank from Target.

Sleep: It's on and off comfortable.  Trying to find new sleeping positions.

Best moment this week: Setting up our appointment for the Gender Reveal!

Miss Anything? Being able to work out. 

Movement: While laying on my belly on the bed, I could feel kicks! Very faint, but kicks nonetheless!

Food cravings: Candies to suck on.  I love Werther's, Butterscotch Disks, Jolly Rancher's, those Root Beer Candies.  You  name it.

Food Aversions: Still peanut butter, broccoli, yogurt.

Gender Prediction: So confused. Just want to find out!
Showing: Can still be hidden in some clothes, but I want it to look more like a pregnant belly!

Symptoms: The B.O. has been better under control, thank heavens.  Acne .. not so much.

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: Finding out our little Baby's gender this week! And my birthday!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my 21st birthday!

  

The truth is, I kept forgetting it was my birthday though.  Birthdays are not all they were when we were elementary age kids.  I still had to go to work and do boring grown up things. But that's OK, because my Hubby knew it was my special day and boy was it special.  He insisted on giving me a present the night before.  I don't like to spoil surprises, but he couldn't wait.  He is the most thoughtful.  He read an article that said pregnant women must have comfortable yoga pants.  These are crucial to the growing belly and the comfort of the mother.  So he was so excited to give me my new yoga crop pants! I am so happy too because all of my sweats just make me look bigger than necessary, but the yoga pants are comfy, stretchy and they also show that I do have legs and a bum.  The next morning as I was getting ready, Stefan kept surprising me with more gifts.  The first was a new bra, because he knew I was desperately in need with these new found ta-ta's of mine.  Thanks for the boulder-holder babe! The next was a new maternity shirt.  I have been whining about wanting some maternity clothes for quite some time now.  The truth is, he listens and all his gifts were something that I have been wanting and asking (whining) for in the past months. I am sick of all my clothes not fitting and he was so sweet to purchase maternity clothes all by himself.  After a couple more gifts, that again were on my list of "things to purchase", we were both off to work.  The sad thing about Stefan working on my birthday was that he missed the most exciting event of the day.  I went for an ultrasound and got to find out my sweet babies gender!  We knew ahead of time that Stefan was going to miss the appointment so I had some great ways to make it special! I purchased the DVD of the ultrasound and we got a print out of pictures too. 

Isn't she the cutest ever?  Oh my gosh, I am going to cry ... again!

Now, of course I wasn't going to tell him any old way.  I couldn't just call him and say, "Hey, we're having a ....." ya know?  So, I had a special cupcake made for him.  The outside was all white, gender neutral vanilla.  But the inside filling was either blue for a boy, or pink for a girl.  We had plans for my birthday dinner with friends and I would give him the cupcake then to reveal the gender not only to him, but all our friends too!

The crappy part was waiting....  I picked up Stefan from work in Payson and there he gave me my most exciting present! A sewing machine! I was so happy! I honestly didn't expect any more gifts, but he knew exactly what I had been wanting! I am so excited to use this puppy to make me and my sweet baby things!

Our dinner reservations weren't until 8 and you better believe I made him wait.  I did not tell him, nor did I allude to or hint at what our baby might be.  We finally got to dinner and obviously, he went straight for the cupcake!  Thanks to Anais for taking video of the event!

 

 

  

Everyone cheered when they saw the pink filling .. and then Stefan began to cry, and it was the most precious moment of my life.

 

Thanks to all of our friends for being there! It was such a fun and special night!  Probably the best birthday present ever was finding out that we are having a daughter.  I am so thrilled.

When we got home, Stefan and I watched the ultrasound and that was the cherry on top of a perfect day.  Seeing out baby move around and kick her little legs was so magical.  She is a real person and it still surprises me every time I think about that.  I love her so much already and I can't wait to spoil her. It's amazing to me, the miracle of life.  Stefan and I can't wait to be parents and are so happy to be having a daughter.  Stefan gets teary-eyed every time he thinks about his little girl and I couldn't be happier.

It's a girl!

16 Weeks

How far along? 16 Weeks
Baby's Est. Size: Avocado Size!
Total weight gain: 8 lbs.
Maternity clothes? I finally bought a belly support band from Motherhood Maternity.  It helps un-buttoned pre-pregnancy clothes stay in place!
Sleep: Getting more uncomfortable.  My belly doesn't like any pressure of any sort so sleeping on it is a definite no.
Best moment this week: Felt the little guy for the first time!
Miss Anything? Buttoned Jeans
Movement: Yes! Felt my little baby for the first time this week! Felt like a little goldfish swimming around in there...
Food cravings: Same old stuff.
Food Aversions: Still peanut butter, broccoli, yogurt.
Gender Prediction: Went from Boy, to Girl, to Boy, and Girl again. Really indecisive mommy here.
Showing: Yup. It's totally out there.
Symptoms: Still itchy when I try to sleep and the excess B.O. is not my thing.
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender next week! And 3 more weeks to our half-way mark!

First Trimester Must Haves

First Trimester Must Haves

Since I am well into my Second Trimester, I decided I could post my First Trimester Must Haves.
These are the things that kept me alive and sane through those, sometimes painful, first 13 weeks.

1. Ritz Crackers.  I have sleeves of crackers in my purse, in my desk at work, in my car.  NBD.  I am always craving these little guys, especially after I've been sick.  Saltines were good too, but Ritz really helped me out.

2. Breathe Right Strips. Glory.  The nasal congestion I experienced was ridiculous.  I feel like I've had a cold for 4 months now.  It has been consistent since about week 5 and I don't see an end in sight.  I wake up stuffed up every morning.  But, with the help of Breathe Right strips, I have been able to sleep through the night comfortably. They are a beautiful thing. 

3. DocQlace.  Period.  This is the miracle drug for the poop shoot.  Constipation during pregnancy?  It's inevitable.  But my lovely mother introduced me to this med.  It's cheap and gets the job done .. if you know what I mean.  You can get it at your local pharmacy.  Such a gem.

4. Burt's Bees.  Thanks to pregnancy, my lips have been chapped for weeks.  I coat them continuously with chapstick and they still continue to chap.  Burt's bees is a must and it is always in my purse... and my husband's pocket cause heaven knows I can't find anything in my purse.

5. Jolly Rancher.  And not just any Jolly Ranchers.  I am constantly looking for candy to suck on, and these are beautiful because they last for a while.  The smoothie flavors are divine.  The sucking candies are great for nausea and to calm an empty angry stomach.  Those tummies don't like to be hungry, but sometimes when you are in the middle of a 3 hour class, you can't do anything about it, so you give it a Jolly Rancher.  It always does the trick.

6. Sprite. Enough said.  My husband is always buying me Sprite.  And he knows that I really like the fountain version best.  The cans are OK, but I usually let them sit out for a while because it's too sharp straight out of the can.  I prefer fountain Sprite cause it's just right.

7.The Body Shop's Peppermint Cooling Foot Rescue Cream.  This stuff will heal your feet and your sinuses.  Mmmm. I love peppermint.  My heels have reached their ultimate worst.  They are so cracked and dry, it's so sad and I am pathetic.  But good ole' Stef comes to the rescue with this cream, and he rubs my feet until they are soft and pretty again.  He is the best.

8. Old Spice High Endurance Deodorant.  Yes this is mens deodorant.  And yes I do use it.  I pretend to understand body chemistry, but when the excess perspiration started, I about crapped myself.  Why does pregnancy have to be so gross?  I have NEVER been a sweaty person and I certainly never needed deodorant.  Now, if I don't put this power performance stick on after I get out of the shower, everyone will be suffering.  And I doubt it's just my enhanced sense of smell, cause my hubby, although darling, sometimes says the wrong things and told me I was "stinky" a couple days ago when I lifted my arm.  How embarrassing.  But not as embarrassing as when he told me I was getting heavy... Let's just say he probably hasn't read the "List of Things to Never Say to a Pregnant Woman".

9. MedHelp's I'm Expecting Pregnancy App.  This app is awesome.  It let's you track your weight, symptoms, appointments, etc.  It also gives you a great description each week about what your body may be going through, as well as the growth and development of your little fetus! It's really exciting even through all that sickness to remember the miracle that is taking place inside your body.

10.  Sonic's Crushed Ice.  I have no explanation.  Crushed ice is just a must.  We buy it by the bagful these days from Sonic and bless their hearts for selling it so cheap.  It is so perfect with a flat Sprite.  It especially helps with the Iron cravings.  Lovin' me some Sonic ice.

And there you have it.  Doesn't pregnancy sound so fun and beautiful?  They leave out a lot of the juicy details in movies that make pregnancy seem so glamorous.  What really should have been #1 on my list is an amazing husband.  I could not have gotten this far without his help.  And I don't mean that in a sexual way, clearly I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him... haha but what I mean is, I probably would have rotted away in bed by now if it weren't for his help everyday.  He has been so loving and supportive of all my crazy emotions, cravings, and mood swings.  He puts up with everything.  If you haven't got yourself one of these, I don't know how pregnancy will be possible because he is my lifesaver.  I am so happy that we are starting our family and we cannot even wait to meet out little kidney bean in 21 weeks!

15 Weeks

How far along? 15 Weeks
Baby's Est. Size: Apple Size!
Total weight gain: 7 lbs.
Maternity clothes? This question taunts me every week. I'm rockin' the unbuttoned jeans too frequently to NOT buy some maternity leggings or something!
Sleep: A little uncomfortable to sleep on my stomach. I keep having nightmares and waking up with anxiety. Is that normal?
Best moment this week: Grandma Ericksen bought baby lots of toys and books and presents. She is so sweet!
Miss Anything? Being able to run. It's painful.
Movement: Thinking I feel some "quickening" ...
Food cravings: Fro-Yo. Every night. It's like clock work.
Food Aversions: Still peanut butter. Eww.
Gender Prediction: Went from Boy, to Girl, now back to Boy...
Showing: Just look at that picture. (Although it was after a rather large dinner)
Symptoms: Itchiness is something new. And soreness in my little belly.
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy most of the time!
Looking forward to: Gender reveal in 2 weeks! Can't wait!

14 Weeks

Once again, I am late on posting. Bless this mess.

How far along? 14 Weeks
Baby's Est. Size: Lemon size.
Total weight gain: 5 lbs. (From 100-105) Rising exponentially I might add..
Maternity clothes? Would really appreciate some maternity leggings cause mine are getting quite tight.
Sleep: Sleeping not so good. Waking up throughout the night to pee and be uncomfortable.
Best moment this week: Not really baby related, but Stefan was awarded a hefty scholarship out of many legible and honorable Air Force ROTC Cadets. I am so proud of him!
Miss Anything? I've noticed the chubbiness in my face. I miss it's lack of presence.
Movement: I am dying to feel something legitimate!
Food cravings: Dry cereal. Sprite. Toast.
Food Aversions: Did I mention Peanut Butter and how ill it makes me?
Gender Prediction: Just so confused. Haha really not sure.
Showing: Starting to look more pregnant and not just chubby... I hope!
Symptoms: Nausea makes it's comeback. I am now 14 weeks. This should be long gone!
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: My moods have definitely been better. Happy most of the time!
Looking forward to: Gender reveal! Buying baby things!

Easter Weekend

Stefan and I had such a fun opportunity this Easter. We were asked to babysit the 5 wonderful Seolas kids from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. We were anxious as the kids run from ages 6 to 15. We were immediately impressed with how well-behaved they ALL were and how respectful and helpful they were. As it was Easter weekend, we wanted to have some Easter fun so we dyed eggs. Lots of them.

Liv and Owen dying eggs

My "Angry Egg"

Baby's 1st Easter. I love this.

We even had a surprise visit from the Easter Bunny who hid a plethora of eggs filled with candy for a great Easter Egg Hunt!

The weather was so amazing that we were able to have the hunt outside and I am so thankful for that and for the beautiful spring weather we have been experiencing! Other than the fun Easter festivities, we made yummy food, got to know the kids, Stefan let them each "practice" their driving skills in his car, and we played played played.

I miss being a kid sometimes. I also miss not having the body of a pregnant woman. Why am I so exhausted when this baby only weighs 2 Lbs? Riddle me this.

It was so refreshing for me to see Stefan really clinging to the kids and having such a good time with them. He was constantly playing with them outside and making sure they enjoyed their time. It makes me so excited for the future and our family. I know that he cherishes family and will always put us first. I love him so much and love that we are starting our family together.

Happy Easter to all and to all a good day!

How far along? 13 Weeks
Baby's Est. Size: Peach size.
Total weight gain: 4 lbs. (From 100-104)
Maternity clothes? Still none. Rocking the un-buttoned jeans with the belly band. Real great.
Sleep: Sleeping great this week!
Best moment this week: Doppler ultrasound, hearing the heart beat at 150 BPM
Miss Anything? Being skinny
Movement: Some butterflies, not sure if it's the baby though...
Food cravings: Same stuff. Crushed ice is huge.
Food Aversions: Still pretty much the same.
Gender Prediction: I'm thinking it's a girl now... Guess my motherly instincts are off..
Showing: Still don't look pregnant, but I look bigger for sure.
Symptoms: Nausea has weened a little bit, vomiting still persists. Some new ones include the blemishes that are invading my once clear-skinned face and the dry skin on my legs that makes me itch them so much I basically bleed!...
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Mostly happy, still some moody moments. Bless my husband.
Looking forward to: Finding out the sex in 4 weeks! Woohoo!

12 Weeks

Way late on this post, since I am now almost 14 weeks... Yikes!
I regret putting this picture on my blog for SO many different reasons, but I promised I would get one every week and document it, so it shall be done.
We just moved into the new apartment and it took me a while to get around to hanging the chalkboard. When I finally did, I got it too high and didn't realize until I compared with last weeks pictures. I had a terrible hair day. You know when you just get a new haircut and you don't exactly know how to style it yet? Exhibit A. I think I had just been crying about something.. anything.. who knows what! But regardless, the picture stays and we pray for a better one next week!

How far along? 12 Weeks
Baby's Est. Size: Plum size.
Total weight gain: 3 lbs. (From 100-103)
Maternity clothes? Still none. Really dying for some maternity G's though..
Sleep: Sleeping is getting a little uncomfortable but overall, still sleeping pretty well
Best moment this week: Moving into the new apartment with 2 bedrooms!
Miss Anything? A day without throwing up.
Movement: If I press my hand on my belly, I think I can feel the heartbeat..
Food cravings: Dry cereal... anybody else?
Food Aversions: Broccoli, Yogurt, Chocolate <--- NO!
Gender Prediction: Boy!
Showing: More and more everyday!
Symptoms: They're all still there.
Belly Button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Emotional. Always.
Looking forward to: Being in the second trimester and hopefully feeling better soon!

Baby Stefan

I've been really curious to what the gender of our sweet baby is. I feel like it's a boy. I just have a gut feeling ... might just be indigestion though .. Honestly, I would be happy with either. I think of having a little girl, and adorning her with flowers and headbands and growing up being her best friend and I love it. I also think of a boy and imagining him just like his daddy, and I fall in love. If you knew how adorable my husband was as a baby, you'd be wishing I was having a boy too. When I went through all of Stefan's childhood pictures for our wedding slideshow, I honestly cried. I fell in love with Baby Stefan. If we have a son, he better look JUST like his Daddy. I wish I could have known Stefan all my life.

Look at that cute naked bum! Haha

Naked... as always.


Don't even get me started on how much I adore this picture.

Just the cutest toddler I've ever seen in my life, it's fine.

He is so precious! The funny thing is you can totally tell it's him. They bare such a resemblance to nowadays Stefan. I seriously wanna cry looking at these kodak moments .. Maybe it's just the pregnancy emotions... If our kids look like me, they are doomed. Seriously.

Lies. I was actually pretty cute myself.
But seriously, Stefan was a stud back then, and he still is now!
I can't wait to find out more about this baby! Woo!